Wedding Drinks, Me Thinks
No question about it… there is a good, bad and ugly of drinking at weddings. Everybody wants to have fun, and you want them to have fun. But, you don’t want bridesmaids puking on each other, and you don’t want your band-new husband’s brother demonstrating to grandma his joke about what the Apache helicopter’s main rotor looked like taking off in front of his unit in Afghanistan.
So, how do we keep it real, without getting to “when keepin’ it real goes wrong?” Tone down the sauce you have available. Here’s the key: ABV. Alcohol. By. Volume.
If you are going to have some serious drinkers at the party, the best way to limit their intake is to limit the percentage of alcohol they even have access to in the first place. Will they drink more? Maybe, but at least you will have done your level best to limit it.
If you hire a bartender, licensed by the state as they are, they are charged with keeping an eye on who is going cross-eyed. But you can help them out by developing a set of drinks where the ABV is low, but the drinks are still bangers.
What to avoid:
Bacardi 151
Everclear (what are we, twelve?)
100 Proof Southern Comfort
Any Vodka over 80 proof
Any Whiskey over 80 Proof
Ridiculous IBU/ABV combination craft beers. (Strong hops and alcohol is a very bad combination in high volume consumption)
Extremely strong Tequilas
So, give your bartender a set of drinks which use low ABV spirits, but are tasty and voluminous, but don’t go over a 1.25 oz. shot. That means, big but comparatively weak. You can have a Hot Toddy steaming off its spirit making the imbibee feel as if they are about to head to the spirit world, while really it’s a pretty tame drink. Pour it big. Mix it right.
As far as the beer is concerned, domestics are great. Pick a few that are darker for those avocado toast, leather suspender and pocket-watch types, and everyone should be pretty happy without getting just absolutely greased.
Offer some type of snack like bread, or soft pretzels as the night wears on. Put out some soft pretzels right next to water cooler, and watch in amazement as people dilute themselves with water and absorb the alcohol in their stomachs with bread, voluntarily.
Either way, if it turns out that there were a few hammered guests, well, that’s just the way she goes. Might I suggest the Painkiller…
1.5 ounces rum
4 ounces pineapple juice
1 ounce orange juice, freshly squeezed
1 ounce cream of coconut
Garnish with nutmeg, freshly grated
Top with a pineapple wedge
